We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
