i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
