Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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