Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
