you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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