You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize