how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
