You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
