why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
