I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
