I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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