I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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