Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
