just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
