he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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