i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
