Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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