I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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