it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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