if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
