dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
