I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
