She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
