In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
