Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Send help, water and tortillas.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
