I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
