How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
