so that wasnt chicken after all
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
