The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
