The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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