and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Randomize
