The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
