I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
