You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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