Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
