My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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