i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize