Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
