how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
