Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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