I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
