47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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