why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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