HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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