I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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