were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
