Christians are straight up FREAKS
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
