I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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