Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
