Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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