Tell her she can't have a vagina
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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