i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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