Your mouth is God's brothel.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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