nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
