my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
