Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
