you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
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