Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
