He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
