I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
