I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
