She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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