i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
